Much like a store enticing people to walk in, many churches use signs to share hilarious one-liners and jokes. Puns that are so funny they can stop even the most avid non-churchgoers in their tracks. Here are 50 hilarious pictures to prove it.
In Every Generation, There Is a Chosen One
Do you feel you attract mosquitoes more than others? Does every camping trip turn into the Itchy and Scratchy Show? You may be on to something glorious!
Of course, science says numerous factors can make the human body more attractive to mosquitoes. Body odor and temperatures. Carbon dioxide levels. But this church sign is the ultimate vindication and proof that you were right all along. It turns out you’re the chosen one. God has a funny way of showing it.
What the World Wants Today
In a world of emojis, filters, and doing things for the Gram – this cheeky sign reminds you of what’s real and what’s not. Ironically, the now-iconic Coca-Cola slogan was conceptualized in the late ‘60s to position the drink as young Americans’ desire for authenticity – the real thing in a bottle of original Cola.
This church knows the game and seems to be playing it better! Marketing execs have nothing on new-generation churches for zany audience insights.
Direct Lines to Heaven, No Strings Attached
Who needs 5G when the ultimate wireless connection lies within us? Anywhere and anytime – even when you might be out of signal range. Using WiFi to explain prayer hits home. Technology has nothing on the power of prayer.
This wireless connection is instant and has no lags or web pages that don’t load. It works under the sea, in the air, or underground. You don’t even need phones, tablets, or computers. Most importantly, prayer is free.
A Guide to Life and Social Media Etiquette
12/10 for the wordplay. Listen closely, and you might even hear it in the voice of an adorable yellow bird the world knows and loves. This church serves up life lessons in one fell swoop!
Real life and social media aren’t very different, after all. Both spaces have people we like and dislike jostling for space. If life and Twitter wars get out of hand, kindness always goes a long way.
Have You Insured Your Soul Yet?
Remember when “trust in God with all your heart” was all people needed to hear? It doesn’t have the same ring these days. Times have changed, and a generation’s priorities with it. How does the church get people’s attention? Play with words in a universal language – money.
It still has the same message, only with the choicest terminology that speaks to each of us. Who’s got your soul covered? That is the inevitable question.
Or Roll Over and Take a Nap
The best analogies are simple, and this church sign immediately conveys the message. When life overwhelms you, and you get knocked down, take a different view. For the church, that means looking up to a higher power and praying.
But one could also look up and breathe for a while. Perhaps look up and enjoy the view. Like some of the best things in life, this one’s open to interpretation.
On Making Wise Choices
What could be better than a church sign that’s also a word puzzle and a life lesson? Life is like a game of Hangman. Sometimes it’s easy to miss out on the obvious, despite all the clues starting right at us in the face.
The joke’s on us, eventually. If the clever sign outside is anything to go by, Sunday sermons at this church must be fun. Sign us up already!
Things Fall Apart, the Center Can Hold
A church sign with nine words but packed with layered meaning at every turn. A Bible falling apart. What do you see? A sign of disrespect to a holy book? Or proof of an elevated, uncommon life?
Because how does one measure a life well-lived? Is it arriving at destinations unscathed and unbothered? Or is it embracing the journey (cuts, bruises, and sorrows included), only to emerge better and stronger for the ride?
The Art of Forgiveness, and Forgetting We Ever Mentioned It
This church puts a poetic spin on the more commonplace “easier said than done,” “when the shoe’s on the other foot,” or “practice what you preach.” It’s easier to love things as concepts until they become real. Forgiveness is one such concept.
And if we want to keep pulling further at that thread - love, family, careers, money, and marriage, among others. We love ideas of things. We are decidedly uncomfortable with them in real-time.
After 2000 Years, the Most Anticipated Comeback Is Finally Here
This a fine example of acing a rebranding without diluting the core message. How? With a slight tweak to the eponymous “Jesus Is Coming Soon!” The sign does not imply Jesus and an army of angels are arriving in a blaze of heavenly glory. No trumpets or fanfare, too.
“Jesus. Coming Soon” comes across as more chill – like the trailer to your next favorite show. You will love it. You don’t know it yet.
That’s All He Asks of You
This one goes out to the millions of representatives of God on earth, whether ordained or self-appointed. We know them - the ones who conflate personal agenda with divine decree. Or those who can’t tell the difference between spreading the gospel and gatekeeping.
We may have even been this person at some point. All places of worship should have this sign out front. Places of spiritual solace actively excluding others kind of defeats the purpose, doesn’t it?
Who’s a Good Boy?
Is Monday getting you down? Are daily affirmations hard to keep up with? Change tactics, and look into your pet’s eyes instead. Even when you feel like an absolute turd, your pet still thinks you’re incredible - some, more grudgingly than others (we see you, cat owners).
Your pet may sometimes see you as a treat-dispensing machine. Perhaps they consider you a massage lady or someone who diligently picks up their poop. Still, you’re the best treat-dispensing, massage-giving poop picker in their eyes! As we know, their opinion means everything.
Forgive and Live In Their Head Rent-Free
The Bible’s take on forgiveness involves compassion and kindness to your enemies. This church knows human nature works differently. Sure, we may forgive people. What truly drives us is keeping score – from subtle one-upmanship to all-out declarations of war.
The most satisfying victory is often bloodless. Some might call this forgiveness. Other circles call it killing with kindness. Confusing our enemies sounds like an offer too good to refuse, either way.
Nut Allergies Affect Millions of Americans
If only more churches weren’t afraid to get political or laugh at themselves. This one makes a particularly ballsy statement (forgive the pun) by calling out certain members of its ranks.
Defenders of the faith might take offense, even if it means keeping some people out. However, we see a church that welcomes everyone - a space free from shame, hate, or judgment. And to that, we say Amen!
This Ark Has Flood Lighting Too
A church sign and dad joke rolled into one? We’re all for it. 15/10 for the brilliant pun, effortlessly bringing together Bible stories and present-day realities. So you thought the Bible was archaic and out of touch with the world? Noah’s Ark sounds pretty amazing right now - what with rising temperatures and sea levels worldwide.
Imagine a world where Noah’s Ark becomes a metaphor for climate action. What a strange but wonderful world that would be.
Drum Roll, Please
The First Baptist Church Of America seems like a fun place to hang out on a Sunday. The church didn’t bother putting up anything remotely Biblical – zero references to Christ, Hell, or Satan. Maybe they ran out of puns, or the congregation enjoys its share of dad jokes. Regardless, they have people’s attention.
If you think about it, “Baa-Dum-Tsss” is somewhat poetic. We can’t think of any other sound that better captures the absurdity of human life. Baa-Dum-Tsss - the universal background score to our existence.
Talk About Things Getting Personal
McCormick Chapel Church! Do you preach Sunday sermons with that mouth? Hilarious innuendo aside, this church woke up and chose war - going straight for where it might hurt most. This church refuses to get the point across kindly. They are not messing around.
Are you out for a walk? Do you have an errand to run? The sign effectively changes a regular morning into the ultimate walk of shame. Talk about things getting personal! Does passing by the church occasionally count?
Hearts and Soles That Hurt
Ouch indeed! The signboard outside this church might look lame, but the joke certainly isn’t. It’s clever and hilarious. Pause long enough, and there’s a ton of hidden meaning there. “Ouch” perfectly captures the state of the world today.
A church sign on its last legs is a fitting physical manifestation of spiritual neglect. It signifies churches and souls that need care and tending to - perhaps even a revamp for a new lease of life.
What Could This Possibly Mean?
Talk about getting people’s attention! Are you looking for ways to get people to church? Well, this sign will do it. We forgive you for completely misconstruing the meaning or raising an eyebrow. Despite what it sounds like, we’re sure the message is innocent and only about forgiveness.
Forgiveness – swallowing the hatred and bile when all you want to do is yell at somebody. TLDR: let things slide, and don’t retaliate.
Loving Jesus and Dinosaurs
When the joke’s so bad that you can’t help but laugh at it. Even so, the attempt at humor isn’t the most intriguing thing about this sign. It’s the mention of dinosaurs on a church sign. The Northwest Baptist church feels no need to disprove the existence of dinosaurs.
This church will not paraphrase every chapter in the Bible to uncover evidence of dinosaurs or lack thereof. People need to keep the faith - dinosaurs or not.
Christmas Is About Enjoying the Momint
‘Tis a fun holiday pun to make people smile. The church mint no harm with the sign. It has no other agenda except to spread holiday cheer. Jokes aside, we think it’s nice to think of ourselves as candy canes.
Most of us are a little broken and bent, but vibrant and alive still. None of us are in mint condition. There’s hope yet, especially with Christmas around the corner.
We’re All Basket Cases Here
Most of us have felt like a “basket case” at some point in life. Here's a church sign that cleverly reclaims the term to empower anyone struggling or feeling lost.
Baby Moses was found floating in a basket on the Nile River – a “basket case” who became the leader of the Israelites. The moral of the story? Don’t give up. Keep pursuing your life purpose and meaning.
How About On Our Feet Instead?
In case you were wondering, this sign is about the uplifting power of prayer. Get your minds out of the gutter for a moment! Kneeling to pray used to be a thing. It still is in some churches, and we understand the significance.
However, there is no harm in advocating for prayer in less taxing positions. While our souls may rise eventually, our knees and hips probably won’t after a few minutes.
Some Forests Are Less Shady Than People
Northwest Baptist Church strikes again! A church that does not take itself too seriously is a unicorn in our book. Here we have a church that chooses laughter over being preachy, jokes instead of nuggets of Biblical wisdom - no fear-mongering or moral high grounds, either.
We see good humor and spirits here – all signs that point to a welcoming place of worship. This church certainly has our attention.
Just a Neighborhood Church Derailing Sunday Conversations
Going by the sign outside, Sunday service here must be fun. We’d like to meet the genius who puts up these signs - probably someone with an arsenal of dad jokes on the ready.
Speaking of jokes! What are some more reasons not to trust a train? It is always covering its tracks and might go off the rails anytime. Trains also blow too much hot smoke. (We’re sorry.)
Puns That Make the World Go Round
The joke made our day. And isn’t that the point of a spiritual sanctuary? To make hearts and spirits glad? Picture the hundreds of people driving past the church, chuckling involuntarily and snapping pictures of the sign to share with everyone.
That’s joy for you – thanks to a church sign with seemingly no ulterior motive. We could get behind a church that spreads joy without heckling, guilt-tripping, or crazy evangelizing.
There’s Always a Catch
Can we buy our way to heaven? We can’t, the last time we checked. While the offer is attractive, it’s almost too good to be true. A shopper worth their salt knows the key is in reading the fine print. This trip to heaven is far from free but comes with several terms and conditions.
Somewhat like winning a holiday exclusive of the flight tickets, and it is up to you to figure out how to get to the destination. Some people might say it is a small price to pay for the paradise that awaits.
He Deals in Quality Stuff
The world needs more neighborhood dealers of hope. Imagine a dreary day when you need a quick fix of optimism - only to get it unconditionally from someone in the hood? A trustworthy dealer that (hopefully) does not charge or plan on collecting their dues with interest later.
Why stop at hope, in fact? We’d like to see neighborhood dealers for just about everything - peace, kindness, justice, acceptance, security, and empathy, among others.
It’s strange weather all around and getting warmer everywhere. The seasons aren’t what they used to be. It’s hot when it should be cold and damp when the sun should be out. When the temperature continues rising in both the physical and spiritual realms, you’d best wake up and pay attention.
This church offers the ultimate solution. Chill with Jesus. A respite from the hellscape of everyday life and spiritual hollowness.
Let’s Settle This Out of Court
Who can blame him? We are family, after all. And every family is loving, infuriating, and dysfunctional in uniquely specific ways. We fight and make up. We might hate each other’s guts and somewhat tolerate each other during Christmas or Thanksgiving. But we stick together, for better or worse.
Putting in an appearance every Sunday is a good start. But surely, one can make more of an effort than that.
It's Getting Hot in Here
Is this burning an eternal flame? Yes - just not the same kind of flame in the classic song by The Bangles. The next time you complain about the weather, don’t. This church means business, and they are not mincing words with this (ironically) chilling reminder about where most of us might end up.
Enjoy the air conditioning and ice creams, meanwhile. Jump into pools and oceans while you still can. Cooling off isn’t an option where we’re going.
iPray Is a Way of Life
This church knows adding an “i” before anything can get crowds lining up. We have so many questions, though. Is iPray an upgrade from previous versions? Does it contain new features that make our lives better? Is it a next-generation model that could change the game? Or, is it much of the same stuff recycled in shiny new packaging?
If only some semblance of our critical thinking could kick in whenever Apple launches a (somewhat) new product.
Move Over, David Hasselhoff!
So, you thought Baywatch set the bar for lifeguards? Sure, they might have looked like visions in red swimsuits, running in slow motion on the sand. But can they walk on water, help calm seas, or even part water when necessary? We would like to see them try.
This OG lifeguard has the strength to save both your body and soul from eternal damnation. Plus, he’s always watching and seeing everything.
It's a Sinking Ship
Mud-slinging is for chumps. Mud baths and face packs are the way to go! Speaking ill of others is best left to teen dramas or reality shows. Who has the energy? Obsessing about other people’s lives and motivations is pointless.
We don’t have the mental space after a long day or otherwise. Among the many perks of growing older is blissful indifference - too old for vendettas or what people think about us.
How to Get Spiritually Fit and Move It, Move It
This church reminds us that getting fit isn’t about putting in longer hours on the weekends. Like physical fitness, spirituality is a lifestyle one chooses. You know what they say. Consistency brings results. Concentrate on small gains over intense one-off milestones.
Whether you’re an active parish member, enjoy singing in the choir, or prefer quiet prayer at home, keep at it. Whatever path you choose for spiritual fitness, the key is to practice it regularly.
May the Force Always Be With You
You know church attendance is dismal when the sign uses pop culture and sci-fi references to call out to its flock. The attempt at humor is on point, however. We must admit Darth Vader as a church spokesperson is insanely funny.
For the unversed, the iconic line “I find your lack of faith disturbing” is from Stars Wars: Episode IV – “A New Hope.” When Darth Vader expresses displeasure, the world listens – at least, this church hopes.
The Ultimate Infinity Wars
Salvation seems impossible when a church places God and MCU villain Thanos on an equal footing. We don't blame them. What other choice did they have? The world is seemingly more obsessed with the teachings of Thanos. Is Thanos’s worldview right? Would Thanos save or destroy you?
The sign is an attempt at sounding cool. We’re chill. We don’t think fictional superheroes are the work of the devil. Regardless, this sign reeks of desperation.
You’ve Got Us There!
Why indeed? If the sign hopes to convince more people that Jesus Christ lives, it may have failed. The logic is rudimentary and laughable. We are also trying hard to ignore the typo. Never mind that entire history books exist documenting the origins of Christmas.
Spoiler alert: our beloved holiday has pagan origins and went through a complete Christian re-branding. December 25 isn’t the actual day Jesus was born. We could go on.
Salvation Seems Terrible
We understand what they were going for, but the unfortunate analogy makes it seem everyone’s in for a world of pain. Does the church think people will voluntarily sign up for this terrifying spiritual boot camp?
The first instinct is to run miles away. It doesn’t sound like some of us will make it out alive or remember who we used to be. Heaven sounds an awful lot like hell.
The One Where They Objectify Samson
Hang on. Is this church trying to get people to attend service by turning Samson into a sex symbol? We’ve officially seen everything, and we’ll probably never look at Samson the same way again. Sure, the world has always known Samson had incredible hair that most of us would kill to have.
Going by descriptions of him in the Bible, Samson was the OG stud during his time. Still, we always considered him Biblical Samson, not sexy Samson.
Stop the Madness and Help Shovel
Ask, and ye shall receive. But how many blessings are too many? How does the church get a handle on all the collective asking? Knox Presbyterian Church draws the line at waist-deep snowfall.
The church has had it with winter, with a sneaking suspicion that the incessant praying for a White Christmas is to blame. Nobody wants to regulate prayer. Still, this church implores you to be smarter about what you pray for, lest it comes back as frostbite.
Look Who Dropped By
And you thought haters online had nothing better to do. It looks like Satan could not enter the church without bursting into flames. What’s the next best thing when denied entry? Leave an angry note instead.
We’re surprised he did not go all-out and protest with graffiti - his street art mistaken for Bansky’s. Unlike anonymous trolls online, Satan wants the world to know his name. He was here. He got close enough, alright.
Don’t Let Yeezus Take the Wheel
When the power of scripture fails to move the world, one thing might - a parable about Jesus vs. Yeezus and the power of everlasting love. It’s a story that resonates with our times - immediately putting things into perspective, almost surpassing sermons and diligent Bible study.
Kanye has always loved Kanye. The devotion is intense. But lest we forget, it is also a maniacal kind of love. Is that the divine love we need in our lives? The jury is out on that one.
White Lies Don’t Hurt
Except, everyone lies at funerals because nobody likes to speak ill of the dead. We know folks who plan for their final hours much beforehand – from the flowers and ceremony to what band should perform at the wake.
People can even have a say in what the tombstone should eventually read. What do people actually care about? The turnout! Few people remember eulogies. Everyone remembers who showed up and who did not.
This Is Awkward
Behold the flood of dirty jokes! The intent behind the message could have been innocent. We would like to believe the world hasn’t corrupted everyone yet. Still, it is hard to think someone did not do this on purpose.
Picture a bored, poker-faced member of the billboard design committee - ever patient and accommodating with suggestions for a church sign. We bet they drive by the sign each day, chuckling at the ensuing commotion.
It's Time to Call a Guy
Who can wash away your sins, indeed? We don’t know which one came first - the ad or the church sign, but the two together are brilliant. Whether your earthly possessions or soul needs cleansing, only the best will do.
Nothing like high pressure or a sudden spiritual awakening to start afresh. Regardless of what a person may need, it is always a good idea to call professionals who can get the job done.
We Have So Many Questions
We like fun pastors who are lit. So, why does this one sound dubious? Will he spark spiritual inspiration, or does he plan on setting us ablaze? Does he think we are soft? All of it sounds like a camping trip about to go horribly wrong.
The pastor probably plans on telling us scary stories about hell around the campfire for maximum effect. We are decidedly not bringing our spiritual marshmallows until we know what to expect.
Are You There, God?
We also have Wikipedia, Duck Duck Go, Bing, and Baidu, among others. It is easy to understand their popularity. Type in a few simple questions and get instant answers. God, on the other hand, can be more cryptic and inaccessible.
People must first go through his messengers – each one with specific ideas on how best to reach him. The language is also a bit archaic and has not changed over millennia. Do any of us know our thous from our thys? It's all very confusing.
It’s Just Nice to Know You’re Appreciated
Sometimes you need a third party to convey what’s on your mind. This church took up the responsibility, and the message is loud and clear. It’s a refrain we often use with ungrateful loved ones. You give and give, only to get nothing in return - not even a Sunday visit or an occasional “thank you.”
When you can’t inspire wayward children to mend their ways, a little public shaming and emotional blackmail could be in order.
As He Wants You to Be…
Did anyone else read and sing the line in Kurt Cobain’s voice? We can’t get the song out of our heads now. Chances are, most of us will be rifling through old records or playlists today.
Given the focus on Nirvana, the band, and not spiritual enlightenment – the sign didn’t achieve what it originally intended. The message is on point, however. Massive ups to whoever came up with the idea.