We hate it, and we wish it was dead. We’re sure there’s some kind of good explanation about whatever in the world this is, but we don’t want to know it. We want to know the best, easiest, and fastest way to turn it into dust. Let’s load it onto a rocket and shoot it into the sun. Maybe we dig a hole to the center of the Earth and drop this thing into its molten core.
Fifty-two thousand degrees Celsius should do the trick. But what if it doesn’t? Well then, the snail can have the planet; we’ll find a new one. No, it’s only fair. If you survive that sort of thing, the planet is yours. All yours, with nothing else on it at all.
Prepare to Be Cursed by a Leprechaun
If you’ve ever grabbed a metal detector and headed to the beach or the forest, you might have had this kind of image dancing in your head. A pot full of buried doubloons was left there by some clever, clever pirates... who then forgot where they had buried all that treasure. Silly pirates. Of course, you probably didn’t come across anything like this.
Maybe you found a bottle cap or something like that, but we don’t know if anyone has ever actually found a big chest or pot full of gold like the one in this picture. Then again, even if you did, you’d probably have a little fellow dressed in a green three-piece suit chasing you until you gave it all back.
Playing the Waiting Game
Maybe you’re too young to remember, but there was a time back in the day when getting onto the internet took more than just reaching into your pocket to grab your phone. You had to sit at a computer and slowly connect to dial-up, listening to the horrible screeches and bleeps as your phone line hung up.
It took a little while to get logged in so you could check your email or your AIM account, which means that some people got to sit back and work on homework or read. Or take a nap. This guy’s been waiting around for a while, and someone needs to tell him that he could probably go for an upgrade. Then again, who are we to interrupt a nap of such high quality?
Hmm, Wonder What This Is For
We’re really glad that someone found this... Satanic forest altar. That way, we can find out where it is and then not go to that place. There are lots of low-budget horror movies (which are also usually low quality) that like to throw in stuff like this, but there’s always a chance that someone decided to go pagan and actually built a setup for a real reason. It might be a real reason, but it’s probably still a bad reason if those bones tell us anything.
Are they real bones? We hope they aren’t real bones. Still, our money is something from a movie – it’s a little too extravagant, a little too colorful, and a little too... picturesque? Also, two broken stumps, one on either side, is a little too convenient.
Hey Guys. What’s Up?
Forgive us if we wouldn’t stop to take a picture of this forest family if we saw them while driving past. Maybe we’d slow down a little bit, but coming to a full stop seems like a bad choice in this situation. At BEST, someone is going to come out of the woods on the other side of your car and let all the air out of your tires.
At worst, one of your friends will get this picture in a text message, and it will be the last time anybody hears from you. If we know our horror movies, that means the person who received the text message will then start seeing these figures around town, getting closer and closer to his or her house until they’re outside the windows.